Where is the MEAT in the relationships

I spent my entire Monday night watching the bachelor and was touched but also dumbfounded as to how someone after 3 months of knowing another could be ready to propose. I would never put a relationship in a box and say it has to go a certain way but I need just a little more time than that. On top of that I need a little more time where it was just us exclusively; you chilling with shorty the night before you proposed to me in no shape or form would be ok. What happened to the meat of relationships? I am not a salad kind of girl I need some meat, some substance, something that is going to take a lot to be broken down. In dating during this single period I have interacted with so many different styles of men and most I almost immediately know why they are single. Their priorities are messed up, they don’t care about who you are but mainly how they can get in your pants. I have lots of brothers I know that they are almost all trying to get there and all trying to get their eventually but the lead in is terrible. Someone asked me did I know how to use my lips, in no way does that say that they are looking for a relationship and any type of future past the 2 minutes that is all they probably can provide. Where’s the meat? To me the meat of a relationship is really getting to know someone, playing investigator and asking all the questions that help you learn just a little about who they are. To begin the process of peeling back the layers of who they are before even allowing your heart to get involved. Now I am a woman so that window is very short but in acknowledging any sort of feeling you also have to pay attention to what is being given by the other party. Stop giving your heart to men that are showing no interest in any type of future, stop falling when your a filler. But that's a different subject so back to the meat. Get past the infatuation phase, those first couple of months when you cling to their every word, you can’t imagine what you would ever argue about, you just know they are heaven sent.. And then the endorphins wear off and where are you. To me love is unconditional acceptance. Before loving someone you should have already been presented them in different scenarios, stages, atmospheres. You should have already saw them at a high as well as low and have been presented with conflicts that you had to decide whether or not you were willing to deal with them longterm. So to accept them as they are to me is the definition of love. Know I do know people who pretend to be one thing and they are in fact not, this is an unfair trick and ultimately forces you to love someone you were never supposed to. Love is communicating freely and having the willingness to tweak things that will ultimately create the best relationship. In the business we call it constructive criticism, that tough love for the greater good. I don’t mind that. Tell me what I need to do and let’s make the changes. Changing doesn’t mean losing yourself but if you gotta work on that smacking in order for you to progress your relationship guess what; get it together. Know who you are dealing with as best as possible before giving away your heart because it’s harder to get it back then to never give it up. Love is a risk that deserves to be taken but calculated it has to be. Enjoy the phase of the unknown. Not knowing what will come of this new relationship, exploring the vibrant feelings that are all over the place. Recognizing lust but not giving into it just because it’s there. Going slow yet savoring the stolen moments. Being smart because whether lasting friendship or relationship it has to be built on a sturdy foundation… some MEAT!

Do YOU really know YOU?

So what does the other side of the journey feel like, the moment when things are finally starting to make sense again, the pieces are fitting in every area of your life. I can only describe it as refreshing. Perfection is never the case, there will always be a bill due, a problem to solve, and issue waiting for your attention, but to acknowledge that things are going well is necessary. Every few years I really ask myself if I am happy with the way that life is going for me. If I am I pinpoint what about my life is going well, usually in a stable relationship, job that I don’t particularly hate, more or less drama free at that point. If I am not happy I do the same thing and all the areas are usually the same; dysfunctional relationship, hate my job, more drama than I care for. So what about ME<<< … To be 100% happy just because I am ME is something that I have not been able to admittedly say before this last year. I always enjoyed being who I am, I think my parents did an awesome job meshing their chromosomes and making me. I’m genuine, I’m cool ( at least I think so), I’m not hard to look at, an overall decent person. But when measuring my happiness I would put more emphasis on the situations I was in rather than who I am. I would allow what was going on around me, to me, for me to define ME. Over the past 15 months I have completely shed the old skin of who I was and underneath was a shiny rich skin that I had no idea even existed. I thought I was just getting over a devastating situation but I was becoming who I was meant to be. I found me; minus what other people wanted me to be, what others dreamed for me or even didn’t like about me. In letting go of something that had me completely bound for a while I gained so many truths about myself. I’m prepared to answer personal, intimate questions about who I am and what I want because I know, because I’ve thought about it and explored myself. In order to ask God for someone to get to know you at your deepest level you yourself has to know. You can’t send someone on a wild goose chase and you have no idea where your sending him. I found likes that I never knew I had. I love to write. I’m not a poet or a songwriter but I like to candidly express my thoughts for whomever chooses to read it. I live a life that is the same as soooo many others and I am bold enough to talk about it. I have also learned dislikes that I didn’t know were as large. I can’t take a person not doing what they say they are going to do; I don’t need the world I just need commitments to be kept, someone I can depend on. I have enhanced my style, and fully embraced who I am. Me alone. What makes me tick. I can honestly say that I am at my happiest in all my 26 years as a single woman in a generation of fast relationships, marriages, and procreation. In nooooooooo way am I saying that I don’t want a relationship. I look forward to spending every day with a man who loves God, his family, his children and ME. But he won’t define who I am but yet “deposit into my emotional bank account” KB. I know so many females who are literally depressed when single, and I don’t get it. When single you come and go as you please, do what you want and only have to think about yourself and the effects on you. YES there are lonely moments but that’s what fillers are for let’s keep it real. I think it is unfair to go into any type of relationship promising forever and you don’t know a thing about yourself because you have bounced from relationship to relationship. I know someone who in the last 6 years has been in 3-2 year relationships. So the fact that this person is married at the age of 26 isn’t a definition of love. How do you know what you want if you haven’t been alone since you were 20 an age when you have NO idea who you are. I think everyone needs a period where they can really get to know themselves and when the timing is right your good match will surface…

Just a thought

Has Marriage become a Fad?

Is it just me or are there an increasingly large amount of “engagements” going on these days. It seems as if getting married is just the thing to do, the new club to be in, the hottest title to have. Now I totally understand how that first statement may be viewed as “hating” but it’s just a simple observation. Every day I hear about some young couple (many times I didn’t even know the person was in a relationship) announcing their engagement. In that same day I hear about another that announced theirs last year announcing their divorce. Got my wheels turning on the subject.

When I think of marriage I think of forever. I don’t imagine a white dress and a huge overly priced party full of people you haven’t spoken to in years. I imagine a man and a woman declaring that no matter what they have to go through they will make it work, forever. I am not 100% opposed to divorce, after you have given your all and honestly tried by every means necessary and things still refuse to get better then do what you have to do. But no marriage, if gone into for the right reasons should end in the first year or two. You should still be honeymooning (dear future husband we are honeymooning forever) not divorcing. But when you didn’t gain the proper knowledge about your mate before you entered into a marriage that is where you end up; divorced or separated forever. This is not how it was intended to be and it’s not what I want for my future. Marriage has become a fad, the thing to do, and it needs to change.

Growing up in the Christian community you hear all the young women talking about how they want a Boaz. Oh Send me a Boaz. Well I don’t want a Boaz. YES he was a beautiful man inside and out. But the only baggage Ruth had was her mother in law. Know I know that sounds like a lot but it’s really not. A lot of women are calling for a Boaz and that’s what they are getting, a man that carries the looks but isn’t built to endure too much more than a small bag, a carry on. That’s all the baggage you can posses. I don’t know anyone who is carrying something that small. All relationships leave you with something, good or bad and we carry it. The art is to properly place it so that it is useful. What I want is a Joseph. Huh? Mary carried real baggage (do not take this as me calling Jesus baggage, I am ONLY speaking of the situation). I don’t know a man, any man that would be ok with his woman just popping up pregnant and  I don’t think they would care by who. Joseph was faced with indescribable baggage and he stayed. He took Mary as his wife and raised the young boy as his own. That’s the type of man I desire. A man that can face the impossible by my side.  I am sure this is what all women want now that they think about it. But who is willing to go past the point of infatuation and find that person. The point of infatuation that first couple months, it usually lasts as long as 4 when you just can not get enough of that new new of the relationship. You hang on every word that they say, their scent, their walk everything just gets you going. You have no idea what real issues they have or how big their baggage really is because all you see is what you want to see in that period. Most Christian relationships don't make it very long past this period because they are trying to "live right" I know way to many couples who got married so they have indulge in shameless sex but that's a whole different story.. THEN WHAT. .. It wears off and you begin to see what you are really dealing with and at the speed most are traveling they are already way too deep to walk away.

I think that marriage is a beautiful thing, I look forward to the day when I am able to give my forever to another person. But I reserve the right to be picky. I want to make sure I know who he is and have begun to fully peel back the layers of him. I am more interested in why he does what he does than what he does. I desire to fully connect with my mate first so my forever has a fighting chance. Marriage is more than playing house;  when the walls of the house come crumbling down, are you standing next to someone who will help you to rebuild or move on to someone who is offering something else.

Just food for thought..