So what does the other side of the journey feel like, the
moment when things are finally starting to make sense again, the pieces are
fitting in every area of your life. I can only describe it as refreshing.
Perfection is never the case, there will always be a bill due, a problem to
solve, and issue waiting for your attention, but to acknowledge that things are
going well is necessary. Every few years I really ask myself if I am happy with
the way that life is going for me. If I am I pinpoint what about my life is
going well, usually in a stable relationship, job that I don’t particularly
hate, more or less drama free at that point. If I am not happy I do the same
thing and all the areas are usually the same; dysfunctional relationship, hate
my job, more drama than I care for. So what about ME<<< … To be 100%
happy just because I am ME is something that I have not been able to admittedly
say before this last year. I always enjoyed being who I am, I think my parents
did an awesome job meshing their chromosomes and making me. I’m genuine, I’m
cool ( at least I think so), I’m not hard to look at, an overall decent person.
But when measuring my happiness I would put more emphasis on the situations I
was in rather than who I am. I would allow what was going on around me, to me,
for me to define ME. Over the past 15 months I have completely shed the old
skin of who I was and underneath was a shiny rich skin that I had no idea even existed.
I thought I was just getting over a devastating situation but I was becoming
who I was meant to be. I found me; minus what other people wanted me to be,
what others dreamed for me or even didn’t like about me. In letting go of
something that had me completely bound for a while I gained so many truths
about myself. I’m prepared to answer personal, intimate questions about who I
am and what I want because I know, because I’ve thought about it and explored
myself. In order to ask God for someone to get to know you at your deepest
level you yourself has to know. You can’t send someone on a wild goose chase
and you have no idea where your sending him. I found likes that I never knew I
had. I love to write. I’m not a poet or a songwriter but I like to candidly
express my thoughts for whomever chooses to read it. I live a life that is the
same as soooo many others and I am bold enough to talk about it. I have also
learned dislikes that I didn’t know were as large. I can’t take a person not doing
what they say they are going to do; I don’t need the world I just need
commitments to be kept, someone I can depend on. I have enhanced my style, and
fully embraced who I am. Me alone. What makes me tick. I can honestly say that
I am at my happiest in all my 26 years as a single woman in a generation of
fast relationships, marriages, and procreation. In nooooooooo way am I saying
that I don’t want a relationship. I look forward to spending every day with a
man who loves God, his family, his children and ME. But he won’t define who I
am but yet “deposit into my emotional bank account” KB. I know so many females
who are literally depressed when single, and I don’t get it. When single you
come and go as you please, do what you want and only have to think about
yourself and the effects on you. YES there are lonely moments but that’s what
fillers are for let’s keep it real. I think it is unfair to go into any type of
relationship promising forever and you don’t know a thing about yourself
because you have bounced from relationship to relationship. I know someone who
in the last 6 years has been in 3-2 year relationships. So the fact that this
person is married at the age of 26 isn’t a definition of love. How do you know
what you want if you haven’t been alone since you were 20 an age when you have
NO idea who you are. I think everyone needs a period where they can really get
to know themselves and when the timing is right your good match will surface…
Just a thought
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